The Bilge Rats took on Swan and Dolphin II last Thursday, and, to be perfectly honest nothing less than a mercy rule victory would be somewhat of a disappointment. Even since the beginning, I mean way back when the Bilge Rats started (last year) Swan and Dolphin II were the laughing stocks of the league. I guess it's because they are "II." The minor leagues of the Swan and Dolphin Team. The "Honk Kong Disneyland" of softball if you will. Hey, it's always nice to have another team, but if the bird flu wiped all of them out, you wouldn't miss them much.
Not to say the Rats were having a season for the ages, at just 1-2 they had already lost almost as many games as they were predicted to lose all (half) year long, but still,this was no match on paper. The Rats can hit, the Rats can field, the Rats can run. But the Rats have a nasty habit of blowing should be victories.
Now in this case it wasn't all of the Rats fault, the pitcher for Swan and Dolphin II was pitiful Absolutely pathetic. I would hate to come across the lowly, sad umpire who would actually think that his St. Louis Arch pitches were actually strikes...Except that I did come across said umpire, and he happened to call our game. It's no wonder he isn't umpiring, you know, any other league in the world.
These pitches were so bad that they would literally arc up and over the batters body. Impossible to hit even if you were stupid enough to swing. The only pitches the Bilge Rats hit were the "mistake" pitches that were low enough that any other umpire still would have called them a high ball. But all we heard that fateful night was "STRIKE!" This umpire couldn't spot a ball if he were at a gay nude beach.
Just look at one actual photograph from the game that was actually called a strike:
Yeah, it really was that bad. I mean this umpire was making some criminally bad calls. Now, I don't want to call for violence, but I do believe that if you see this umpire, you should immediately kill him. For this reason I have attached the following photo of him. Be on the lookout for:
So you can see we did have Lady luck against us. However the Rats hung tough, and had an early lead.
Well, if you've watched the rats you know where this is going right?
The Rats, up 5-3 in the 6th inning watched their lead vanish before their eyes. A 3 run barrage on a series of bloop singles and misplays left the Rats down 6-5. To the only team in the league without a win. Go us.
However the Rats finally started to get hits and Mike's double tied the game. Which was great, but it would have been even better had he not tried to go for 3rd. He was out. Oh well. Extra innings.
In extra innings in softball you get to start with a runner on 2nd. This is to make the game go faster. Because the people that write the rules are idiots and assume that softball, which commonly has football level scoring, needs an easier way to score runs. Well given a runner on 2nd, even Swan and Dolphin II could push another run across, and so we went into the home half of the 7th down 7-6.
Starting our half of the inning with Mike (the last out) on 2nd proved to be pretty easy to get him around. Lopa....Gosh I don't know what Lopa did. Actually I don't think it was Lopa at all. Let me think here for a minute...
Mike was on 2nd, and then there was this batter, and that batter got a hit to left field and I held Mike at 3rd base, and that batter got on 1st. Who the hell was that? Oh well the next batter was Jack and Jack, who later would strike out in coed slow pitch softball, actually ripped a double this time and brought the guy I can't remember over to 3rd for Thad.
This is really pathetic. Whoever this was represented the winning run, and I was the 3rd base coach, and I can't remember for the life of me who it was. But I remember everyone else. Every word. Thad came up and I was telling him just to make solid contact and a sac fly would score...the runner...old what's his face.
Well the Swalphins wanted nothing to do with Thad and so the pitcher decided to roll the ball up there. It was embarrassing. The umpire informed them if they wanted to make an intentional walk they just had to say so, and they did, and the bases were loaded. Thad later bragged that they were scared of him. Thad is an idiot.
The next batter was Dion, or Deon, or Dieon, or however you spell it. Well I don't claim to know everything he has ever done in his life, but I'm fairly sure that on the basis that he is 1.young and 2.employed by Disney at an extremely low rate, that this was the most important moment of his life. He ripped a single into left. I have vivid memories of Jack safely touching 3rd, and Thad safely touching 2nd, and watching D-on make it to 1st, and I know it is extremely likely that I followed the winning run into home to join in the celebration and the yelling, but I still haven't a clue as to who the runner actually was. Well, good game to you sir, you were an important part of a victory whomever you are. I hope you come back next game.
It wasn't pretty. But it counts the same. The Rats moved to 2-2, a .500 ball club, going into 2 off weeks where they can rest and regroup, and put the early season behind them with their heads above water and better things to come.
Provided they aren't laid off.
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